Knits are supposedly ‘in’ this season (at least in the UK) which may drive me insane this winter.

Firstly, I wish this trend had arrived for next winter, when my repertoire of knitted objects were larger. I’ve started to see cardigans and pullovers in the shops that very closely reassemble the patterns I’ve been plotting to start, and I’m obviously not going to finish the miles of knitting I had planned, before the cold disappears and it’s back to thin blouses and tights. By the time I bind-off the chunky Rowan pull-over that I’ve been scheming for months, knits will be out and I will once again resume my position as typically out-of-touch with fashion.

Secondly, seeing a wrap that I would have spent 6 weeks working on, using £30 of acrylic, for sale in Markie’s for £40, makes me want to run through the department stores, shredding every machine-knit object with my 3.5mm lace circular while I screech ‘KNIT PURL KNIT PURL’ at the top of my lungs, before burning the tatters in a mass bonfire.

And they say knitters are such calm, polite people.